i was shocked that he notified me that he opened his blog again. is he officially back? well maybe part time. i am not sure what wrenched him from his hibernation. i won’t ask questions, but a piece of me knew he would come back, even if it were for a moment to get that rush again.

we all serve a purpose to each other and i don’t have a problem with that. i have grown to accept fast lived online interactions but this one…this particular one i do appreciate. i don’t think i could have found a perfect deviant match.

i am glad you are back baby. so glad.

it was an innocent conversation between friends. his voice sounded good to me and there was a rhythm about it that would cause me to drop an octave as i would speak quietly between parted lips. my hand roamed my warm flesh, traveling up my shirt to my hardening nipples as i circled around it making it harder. i pulled my shirt over my chest idly toying at the hard pebble between my finger tips. my hand traveled down the smooth flesh to the heat between my legs as i traced the outline of my own sex. we kept talking and i wished for him to start talking filth to me, so i could moan in his ear. i grew more aroused when we discussed sex and our sexual past.

i wondered if i made him hard during our conversation?

after i came thinking about you, after i gave that evil smile that you so despise, after i let him touch the wetness you caused…i shaved myself. perhaps i was shaving myself for you, i will never admit it. it was when i saw red on the blade that made me wonder, would you lick my blade or my wound? knowing you…both.

so, it was quiet most of the day for me. except my mind was racing like mad. just when i thought about giving up on my quest for some cock…along came a man. we had been crossing paths since i gave him my handle. finally we had some solid chunks of time to chat.

he was clever, witty and forward in all the right ways. he sent me a pic and mmmm he was very handsome. so i have a flutter in my brain. not sure where things will end up.

at the same time an angel keeps teasing me with her words and imagery. she calls me Wild Fierce Gracie. heh, very fitting as i call her my Sweet Sweet Angel. she makes me so feral. there is something about her that makes me clench my teeth. she really brings out the sadist in me.

*bite* to you SSA.

on my way in this morning i was thinking about the spring mode i am in. people talk about being monogamous, poly-whatever, etc. etc. i even have been told by others we are not meant to be monogamous creatures and maybe that is a nice excuse to sleep around if you are married. but, in my mind i have come to my own conclusion that fits my realm. i am monogamous with my husband when it comes to unconditional love and wanting to grow old with him. however, i am not sexually monogamous because my body and mind needs that extra bit of stimulation that one man cannot give. perhaps if he tried and i know it is possible for a man to be more then a woman can ask for, but i cannot stress him with that. i am already “demanding” with my sex drive and maybe that is why he wants to impregnate me (he is thinking maybe, just maybe this will slow me down). i do not want him to constantly worry that is he not enough for me, just as i am not enough for him sexually. we seek our desires through various portals and at what point is enough enough? where do you draw the line?

right now my vision is blurry and there are no lines. i know what i need to stay sane and i refuse to nag or whine about it. i maybe surly and full of rage, but i am not going to be the typical nagging wife. i don’t even like to be called “wife”. i just want to be me.