Gracie\'s Playground

Friday November 21st 2008, 1:14 am
Filed under: Grace,Masturbation

i have been blessed with a house guest for an uncertain amount of time. it’s that time of year again. having to wear clothes, having to use MY bathroom, having to wear clothes and being a good host. did i mention wearing clothes?

all week, are these back of the mind thoughts of no Him for 3 full weeks. i try not to think about it for fear i will panic with the lack of sex i will sustain during his absence. instead i am trying to work and with that i have these small non productive moments of looking at my photo feeds. my photo feeds are generally on the racy side and yes it puts me in a raging mood. i have to fight off the impending need to rub one out.

tonight the boys were going to be gone for a long enough period of time to leave me to my vices. what do i do instead of porn and masturbation? i do fucking work. i do fucking work till past 10pm and what do i do after that? well, i then do admin crap for work. sometimes, i wonder what is wrong with me and think that i should be stripped of my deviant title. i am sad to admit that working from home makes me more focused on work and it tends to lead to longer work hours. i used to be so good and keeping my productivity to a minimum. i was proud of slacking off when i could. now i am a good worker bee? someone take my temperature, maybe i am not fully over my last bout of sickness.

i have grown from a phase of chronic masturbation to being deprived. perhaps it’s an excuse for the lack of masturbation. i know i like bottling up the energy and need, then unleashing at once. i do prefer unleashing it with Him but that can’t always be the case. the orgasms have always been explosive but my current reasoning is to make them lasting. i savor them more, instead of trying to do a count up past 10. as they say, it’s quality over quantity. it feels like a drug hit more than anything right now. i lay there biting and licking my lips as if i pumped that instant joy into my veins.

also, i have to admit i miss phone sex. i miss that “someone” else being there and sharing my orgasms. Sylvanus made a good point about sharing an orgasm or masturbation with another. he is right, i like someone else witnessing me achieving my “closest to God” moment.

so as it seems, Gracie is changing, morphing but into what? i have no idea. am i going to the light side? absolutely not. i still have very deep seeded thoughts that come to the foreground when triggered. i think i am trying to itch a scratch and it doesn’t always seemed to be fully itched. the problem with me, i always want more. i need a stable of men and maybe then my itch will be scratched. i fear what will happen when i venture into my 40’s, will it be worse? i still have several years and perhaps some planning to keep me from acting like a cat in heat.

11 Comments so far
Tell me something

i came to this world to live delibrately, and not to come to die and find out that i have never lived.
One does not have to live with urges, however one cannot live with regrets. As long you are hurting knowone then seize the day…

Comment by TheDude 11.21.08 @ 1:27 am

Ignore me, i had no idea that i’m on your personal website… i really thought it was a forum type site and i was being a Macavity type pest.
ps Hope you get what you want from your online activities.

take care x

Comment by TheDude 11.21.08 @ 1:37 am

Well, I for one understand the fluctuations in a sex drive. I have been struggling for months now and severely the last 3 weeks. I am ready for the change top finally happen and regain my sex drive once more.

Comment by Mina 11.21.08 @ 9:34 am

I get into those modes. I can be a real workaholic and its amazing how that paradox can live in the same body. I guess we need well rounded experiences. Dedication to love seems more valuable though.

Comment by Kat 11.21.08 @ 10:34 am

I get you on the “deprived” part…I find it hard to get some “me” time when I am constantly surrounded by people. I try to arrange getaway times so I can utilize that. 😉

Comment by Nolens Volens 11.21.08 @ 11:39 am

Quality over Quantity, I hear you girl.

But how do you handle the urge, the rage, the madness that boils up inside you? Don’t you just want to release it so you can feel relaxed, comfort zone?

Comment by Igor The Troll 11.21.08 @ 10:50 pm

shove hands down panties and strum away!

Comment by fatherbob 11.25.08 @ 10:20 am

I too have made the working from home transition. I personally hate it. But it is #2’s job that is fucking with my sex life. We finally live together; we are finally together with him not traveling, and we don’t fuck as much. Depressing. Again, it’s a change, unidentifiable yet happening. In short, your words ring familiar.

Comment by Chris 11.25.08 @ 6:51 pm

Stasis is akin to death. Change is progress, and it fascinates me to see you evolve to simple corporeal wish fulfillment, to a more, well, organic rhythm, where your desires are more like your breath, coming in, with urges to turn your desires inward and masturbate, and flowing out when you want to involve others. Rather than simply seeking pleasure, you are having a kind of need. Just as exhaling when you lungs need air is fruitless, so is masturbating when you crave another.

Personally, I take it as a sign you having some amount of satisfaction in your life that your desires are coalescing like this.

Or, I could just give you the short version: I think this is a good thing, and I want to see what happens.

Comment by Sylvanus 11.28.08 @ 12:55 am

“it feels like a drug hit more than anything right now”

… what a beautiful line.

Hey, thanks for linking me.
Dear Perfect Girl

Comment by Max 12.03.08 @ 9:56 am

You mentioned triggers. Know your triggers and know what they do and know when to squeeze them…

Comment by janeyruth 01.19.09 @ 5:13 pm

Say what is on your mind
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