i have been blessed with a house guest for an uncertain amount of time. it’s that time of year again. having to wear clothes, having to use MY bathroom, having to wear clothes and being a good host. did i mention wearing clothes?
all week, are these back of the mind thoughts of no Him for 3 full weeks. i try not to think about it for fear i will panic with the lack of sex i will sustain during his absence. instead i am trying to work and with that i have these small non productive moments of looking at my photo feeds. my photo feeds are generally on the racy side and yes it puts me in a raging mood. i have to fight off the impending need to rub one out.
tonight the boys were going to be gone for a long enough period of time to leave me to my vices. what do i do instead of porn and masturbation? i do fucking work. i do fucking work till past 10pm and what do i do after that? well, i then do admin crap for work. sometimes, i wonder what is wrong with me and think that i should be stripped of my deviant title. i am sad to admit that working from home makes me more focused on work and it tends to lead to longer work hours. i used to be so good and keeping my productivity to a minimum. i was proud of slacking off when i could. now i am a good worker bee? someone take my temperature, maybe i am not fully over my last bout of sickness.
i have grown from a phase of chronic masturbation to being deprived. perhaps it’s an excuse for the lack of masturbation. i know i like bottling up the energy and need, then unleashing at once. i do prefer unleashing it with Him but that can’t always be the case. the orgasms have always been explosive but my current reasoning is to make them lasting. i savor them more, instead of trying to do a count up past 10. as they say, it’s quality over quantity. it feels like a drug hit more than anything right now. i lay there biting and licking my lips as if i pumped that instant joy into my veins.
also, i have to admit i miss phone sex. i miss that “someone” else being there and sharing my orgasms. Sylvanus made a good point about sharing an orgasm or masturbation with another. he is right, i like someone else witnessing me achieving my “closest to God” moment.
so as it seems, Gracie is changing, morphing but into what? i have no idea. am i going to the light side? absolutely not. i still have very deep seeded thoughts that come to the foreground when triggered. i think i am trying to itch a scratch and it doesn’t always seemed to be fully itched. the problem with me, i always want more. i need a stable of men and maybe then my itch will be scratched. i fear what will happen when i venture into my 40’s, will it be worse? i still have several years and perhaps some planning to keep me from acting like a cat in heat.
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