Gracie\'s Playground

Thursday March 07th 2013, 8:44 pm
Filed under: Breath Play,Grace,Lelo,Masochist,Masturbation,Mindfuck

redI can’t sleep.

I can’t relax.

I can’t sit still.

I’m aching. I watched the time tick by on my phone as I reviewed twitter, checked emails and looked at website stats. I just could not make my eyes heavy but my head started to hurt from reading on a tiny device in the dark.

I need a dose of pain. I need a dose of him. It has been too long and I’m un-sexily suffocating from me pushing the need to the side day after day. You can’t ignore a part of you that is, you. I didn’t want to panic but I wanted to sleep.

My brain wandered and I missed a certain blog from a certain individual. I Google to see if there is any trace of these sadistically pieced words that left my skin burning and my mind racing. Low and behold, it’s the first link on the hit list. I’m in luck, so I thought.

I combed through the archives because I knew specifically three posts that were burned into my memory banks. I find one and I read it savoring every word and punctuation. After I got to the end I gasped in the very late hours of the night. Clark was fast asleep and would be getting up in a few hours. I dread not being able to sleep but my body is on now. My mind wanted more. I looked for the second post and found it, this one more sadistic than the first one found. My fingers found my parted lips as I read and I felt a pain of longing between my legs. This is just torture yet there’s a slight comfort in reading someone’s experiences and thoughts. Being in his head for that moment calmed my mind just a little.

The last post took some time to find as I stopped, read other posts and skimmed reading key words that popped out at me in 3D like: “razor”, “blood”, “cut” and “pain”. Just as I found the last post that I wanted to read, I heard an alarm go off and I’m snapped out of this masochist trance. I couldn’t believe I had been up for hours reading like an addict and Clark saw the light shining on my serious face.

“You ok?”

“Yeah, can’t sleep.”

“What are you reading?”

“A blog.”

“Oh, ok.”
He got up to get ready for work. I decided I wouldn’t be able to work in the morning like this and sent off emails as needed. Clark took the opportunity to molest me for a few seconds and pecked my face before leaving.

I heard Clark’s car start and he pulled away. I nestled my head back against the blood red pillow, put the phone back on and read. My eyes were dreamy and heavy with lust. My heart was racing. My right hand tangled in my panties as I touched the smooth skin. I would grip my thigh, my hipbone or tug at the panties more. When I got to the end I let out a breath.

My hand reached down to the second drawer of the nightstand without looking. I shut the phone off, grabbed the vibrator, turned it on and pushed it against my clit. I closed my eyes playing out the words in my head and replacing her with me. I started to hold my breath as my orgasm climbed. Just when I thought I couldn’t hold my breath any longer my body exploded in the dark hours of the morning. I gasped for air, sucked in a big breath and my body convulsed as I shut off the vibrator. I lay there catching my breath and relished in deep thought but my eyes narrowed. It wasn’t enough. It’s never enough.

The vibrator came back on and my eyes were closed tight. I bit my bottom lip as I saw blood drip on 8mm, scratched black and white film in my mind. The dark thickness running from the cut and a tongue caught the heavy droplet. My breathing stopped again, the climb is harder and my skin is flushed and red. I come again moaning, huffing and puffing and sucking in more air. I pant as the vibrator turns off during the post orgasm autopilot mode. My whole mind and body react and curl up into a ball of emotions. The tears welled up in my eyes and I sob for a few seconds. This is nothing new for me; I regained my composure and fell asleep for a few hours.

12 Comments so far
Tell me something

I know your head. I know this feeling. I know the tears that come after and sometimes during.

Comment by Mizz Fortune 03.08.13 @ 10:10 pm

Mizz Fortune, You know my head? I don’t even think I know my own head.

Comment by Dark Gracie ® 03.10.13 @ 9:40 pm

“You can’t ignore a part of you that is, you.” <3 Gracie thank you for putting into words what so many of us feel.

Comment by Roe 03.10.13 @ 2:34 pm

Roe, Thank you and no, I can’t ignore this part of me so it’s making life rather difficult at the moment.

Comment by Dark Gracie ® 03.10.13 @ 9:40 pm


Comment by Georgette Crush 03.11.13 @ 3:26 pm

Georgette, I hope that’s a good “!”.

Comment by Dark Gracie ® 03.13.13 @ 1:33 pm

“Darkness within darkness. The gateway to all understanding.” ― Lao Tzu

Comment by X 03.12.13 @ 1:56 am

X, nice quote. I like it.

Comment by Dark Gracie ® 03.13.13 @ 1:33 pm

absolute delight. I cannot describe that feeling — of getting lost in someone else’s head. For me, it’s seeing someone, having a thought, and writing it out — being inside them for 20 minutes, 30, an hour — until their story comes out through me. It hurts. I can do 20 minutes and be shot for the rest of the day if I do it right. The words are magic, and a re-read is like a new story all over — and almost always brings me to the brink of orgasm. one touch, then two, and then…

Comment by Nate 03.14.13 @ 1:34 pm

Nate, The mind is a powerful organ and capable of so much more than our sex organs.

Comment by Dark Gracie ® 03.15.13 @ 3:36 pm

I know the blog. I know the post. And I know that feeling.

Comment by Remittance Girl 03.31.13 @ 12:22 pm

Remittance Girl, of course you do dear. I am transparent to you. xo

Comment by Dark Gracie ® 03.31.13 @ 12:40 pm

Say what is on your mind
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