Filed under: Breath Play,Grace,Lelo,Masochist,Masturbation,Mindfuck
I can’t relax.
I can’t sit still.
I’m aching. I watched the time tick by on my phone as I reviewed twitter, checked emails and looked at website stats. I just could not make my eyes heavy but my head started to hurt from reading on a tiny device in the dark.
I need a dose of pain. I need a dose of him. It has been too long and I’m un-sexily suffocating from me pushing the need to the side day after day. You can’t ignore a part of you that is, you. I didn’t want to panic but I wanted to sleep.
My brain wandered and I missed a certain blog from a certain individual. I Google to see if there is any trace of these sadistically pieced words that left my skin burning and my mind racing. Low and behold, it’s the first link on the hit list. I’m in luck, so I thought.
I combed through the archives because I knew specifically three posts that were burned into my memory banks. I find one and I read it savoring every word and punctuation. After I got to the end I gasped in the very late hours of the night. Clark was fast asleep and would be getting up in a few hours. I dread not being able to sleep but my body is on now. My mind wanted more. I looked for the second post and found it, this one more sadistic than the first one found. My fingers found my parted lips as I read and I felt a pain of longing between my legs. This is just torture yet there’s a slight comfort in reading someone’s experiences and thoughts. Being in his head for that moment calmed my mind just a little.
The last post took some time to find as I stopped, read other posts and skimmed reading key words that popped out at me in 3D like: “razor”, “blood”, “cut” and “pain”. Just as I found the last post that I wanted to read, I heard an alarm go off and I’m snapped out of this masochist trance. I couldn’t believe I had been up for hours reading like an addict and Clark saw the light shining on my serious face.
“Yeah, can’t sleep.”
“What are you reading?”
He got up to get ready for work. I decided I wouldn’t be able to work in the morning like this and sent off emails as needed. Clark took the opportunity to molest me for a few seconds and pecked my face before leaving.
I heard Clark’s car start and he pulled away. I nestled my head back against the blood red pillow, put the phone back on and read. My eyes were dreamy and heavy with lust. My heart was racing. My right hand tangled in my panties as I touched the smooth skin. I would grip my thigh, my hipbone or tug at the panties more. When I got to the end I let out a breath.
My hand reached down to the second drawer of the nightstand without looking. I shut the phone off, grabbed the vibrator, turned it on and pushed it against my clit. I closed my eyes playing out the words in my head and replacing her with me. I started to hold my breath as my orgasm climbed. Just when I thought I couldn’t hold my breath any longer my body exploded in the dark hours of the morning. I gasped for air, sucked in a big breath and my body convulsed as I shut off the vibrator. I lay there catching my breath and relished in deep thought but my eyes narrowed. It wasn’t enough. It’s never enough.
The vibrator came back on and my eyes were closed tight. I bit my bottom lip as I saw blood drip on 8mm, scratched black and white film in my mind. The dark thickness running from the cut and a tongue caught the heavy droplet. My breathing stopped again, the climb is harder and my skin is flushed and red. I come again moaning, huffing and puffing and sucking in more air. I pant as the vibrator turns off during the post orgasm autopilot mode. My whole mind and body react and curl up into a ball of emotions. The tears welled up in my eyes and I sob for a few seconds. This is nothing new for me; I regained my composure and fell asleep for a few hours.
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