the ending of last year and beginning of this year has been plagued with “business” and doctor visits. needless to say it kept my mind not so saturated with filth. i am happy to say the “denial” phase i went through indeed proved to be efficient as i do not have anything to worry about per se.
i realize i am probably talking very vaguely and i do intend to do so.
with all the riff in my dark and deviant little world it has proved to be very sexless and almost null of orgasms. i feared it was a loss of “drive” and finally this peak i hit nearing thirty has finally headed towards the downslope. perhaps i am in denial about my peak, not being so peak.
i had a surgery on the 21st of last month that was supposed to be “out of the office for one day” and now *counting the days* it has been almost three weeks and i am still out of the office. i won’t go into details and i am fine for the most part. i had to mention the surgery because of the lack of orgasms.
painstakingly slowly i am healing. the nature of my surgery and complication impeded upon my ability to masturbate or even have sex. however, tonight i had this urge, this determination to get off. i sought out a new toy sent to me right before my surgery. it was the hitachi vibrator type of device. while watching porn and letting my mind run wild, on the lowest setting i carefully pushed it between my legs and pressed. one hand went to coach my strained muscle as i felt myself climbing in seconds. my legs tensed, my abs tensed and cautiously i came panting.
i pulled the vibrator from between my legs and caught my breath. i felt such a needed release and needed to do it again. again, i pushed the vibrating bulb againt my clit and let it hum relentlessly. the second orgasm came faster than the first and i grunted through the wave while clutching my wound in the hopes it would not knot up.
i thought the second orgasm would be the end as i shut the vibrator off again. yet, the dread of an even number made me ache for a third. i laid there thinking about how ridiculous this scene would have been. a convalescing deviant trying to get off AND trying for an odd number of orgasms due to some strange compulsion for odd numbers. i almost laughed at myself. instead, i smirked and turned the vibrator on a last time to get off. the third orgasm was very light as if my body was trying to save me from knotting up my muscle.
in my weeks of healing i finally felt sated. i felt lighter instead of heavy with pain and immobility. there is a light to this tunnel and i hope at the end it will lead me straight for the darkness where i operate at my norm. i cannot wait to be 100% again. i miss running, fucking, masturbating, hot baths, stretching and being flexible. i hope that day comes so very soon.
so this is where i stand or lay.
on a interesting note i have been contacted to have parts of my blog published in a book with other compilations. i hope this venture will be a stepping stone to perhaps a dedicated book written by me. we shall see. more details will follow as i get them. i just signed the ok for the publisher to use my posts.
it is funny because i never found myself to be a grammar worthy writer, i am very hard on myself when it comes to writing and why i have such painful lulls. so, i always have a sense of shock when someone “likes” my writing.
it’s hard to not sound like a broken record on a sex blog, especially after two full years.
i can’t can this, not yet. like i have said, i feel something in the air. perhaps it is spring and with spring there is always new beginnings.
i will leave it at that.
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