Republished with permission by Mutant Panda
Into The Graceful Dark
Somewhere out there in the digital wilderness she sits anonymous and naked at her keyboard baring her soul to us, her readers. She offers up her sins to an audience of would-be confessors, her truths, her desires, and does so with playful brutality. Her online moniker plays well with her written words — no capital letters, please — which bring us inside her mind and allow us to experience her sexual exploits. And, judging by reader responses on her blog(s), she is reaching an audience that find her titillating and sometimes inspirational.
She streams her not-so-secret thoughts and desires to us via WordPress, Tumblr, facebook and Twitter. Raw words and raw flesh splayed out for thousands of followers and delivered directly to our eyes and imaginations through social media sites. But who is Dark Gracie and where did she come from?
MP: What inspired you to start blogging?
Dark Gracie: I remember years ago E mentioning Anais Nin to me. I distinctly remember going to the local book store to look her up. I grabbed the book Delta of Venus and sat down to thumb through it. Ever since then I was captivated and adored Anais Nin’s courage to write so freely and be the one outside of the norm. I felt inspired but really didn’t know what to do with it at the time. Sure I wrote E dirty letters and fantastic fantasies in high school but those were between him and me.
It was my best friend that showed me this little website called Indecent Blogging. She showed me her blog and after reading about her exploits, I wanted to do the same. There was safety and great community with Indecent Blogging. Sadly the owner of the domain and website decided to let it all expire and poof went all of our naughty posts and community. I moved on to Blogger.com and got fed up with that website and ended up at WordPress.com.
Since starting my sex blog I have read so many sex blogs that really inspired me and have blown me away. I love that great writers out there share themselves with the rest of us grammar illiterates. I have even inspired some great sex blogs and feel like a proud, sexy mama.
MP: You and your Dark Gracie persona exist in a place where technology and sexuality have converged. You speak freely to hundreds and thousands on subjects that range from the mundane to extreme kink, communicating thoughts and ideas that years ago would’ve been consigned to hushed whispers. How do you see technology changing the way Americans and the world perceive human sexuality in the future?
Dark Gracie: I think technology has already changed American sexuality. We are becoming jaded to the extreme things we watch on the internet and that is probably why nothing is really taboo for me. I have seen some pretty intense sexual acts and yet I am intrigued and continue to watch. Sometimes it’s for a laugh (two girls one cup) and sometimes I get turned on watching Belladonna fuck a she-male. Anal was probably the most taboo sexual act out there, now all guys/gals talk about it so casually and almost expect it when having sex. Even the ass-to-mouth act, which is so comically discussed in Clerks II, is more talked about openly. With technology even being more accessible (I can watch porn on my phone now) I think it’s possibly paving the way to some brutal, ugly, and violent sexuality.
We want more as Americans. I distinctly remember that when I was a teenager; first it was a kiss, then it was touching, then it was exposing the flesh and on and on it went. I am even guilty of this phenomenon. The motto E and I share is, “I Want More.”
Yet, at the same time I feel technology is somehow educating and exposing close minded people to what’s going out there. I was the one in San Francisco’s North Beach perusing the adult shops looking at porn and magazines before I had access to the internet. This was the only way I knew how to research when I was curious. With the internet a vanilla couple is finding other positions to have sex in or exploring some of the fetishes out there. The convenience and privacy of the internet and porn means more people are able to see what’s out there realistically and unrealistically. I am hoping people can distinguish between what is real and what is not.
The one thing I want to point out with the power of technology is meeting like minded individuals all over the world. I have met so many amazing individuals in my years being online and with social networking it’s even easier to find what you are looking for as a niche. Even my husband has found that with his rare fetish. He found a community online in which to converse with other individuals like himself. There is something for everyone online no matter how vanilla or extreme. It’s there. As E once told me, if you can think of it, it exists online; it’s the magical wonderland of lust.
MP: How can one distinguish those differences?
Dark Gracie: My first gut response is common sense. If it looks too good to be true then it isn’t. For example: ass-to-mouth. There is a lot of preparation an actress has to do to her body to do an ass-to-mouth scene. There are days of cleansing, eating or drinking certain foods, etc. She just doesn’t take it in the ass and then suck that cock, she could get really sick from doing this.
The point is, I encourage people to explore sex but at the same time I want people to educate themselves and use safety. When I started writing more on my blog about choking and breath play I felt it was my responsibility to do some research and write about it on my blog (my fetish). I was getting people curious about breath play and wanted to have available information about the subject.
In the end it’s imperative to be smart, be safe and be open-minded.
MP: What continues to interest you about the process of writing, tweeting, and sharing your adventures with readers?
Dark Gracie: I am a mental exhibitionist. I thrive on inspiring others to freely express themselves without consequence. I like to be approachable but I don’t want people to feel a sense of entitlement for my attention. I work hard and play hard and sometimes I don’t have the free time to respond or reply to everyone, especially on Twitter. When I am emailed I will eventually respond when I get a free moment.
MP: What types of reactions have you received over the years, good and bad? And what’s the most bizarre proposal (we know you must’ve had a couple) you’ve received?
Dark Gracie: I want to say most reactions have been positive. If i had to put it on a percentage I would say about 99%, which considering the graphic nature of my blog is pretty damn good. I never seemed to have troublemaker commenters or negative harassment. I might have gotten 1 or 2 not very nice comments on my blog in the years I have been blogging and I want to think they came from this stupid review Marie Claire (http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/relationship-issues/articles/Web-Sex) did on my blog years ago. I still get hits from the site to this day.
I have had fellow sex bloggers harassed with people leaving very unsavory comments on their blogs and they keep coming back to make their day shitty. I’d like to think that the darkness that surrounds my blog keeps people too afraid to bother commenting in a negative fashion. I find myself lucky that I have avoided such drama because I don’t tolerate nor have the time for it.
The most bizarre proposal I have received was several years ago from a man that used his work email address and was the CEO of the company. I am a pretty clever girl (a computer programmer) so I was researching this guy based on his email address. In his email he asked me if I would write a blog post about how the girl he was in lust with should cheat on her husband and sleep with him. I could have done some very cruel things to this idiot but emailed him back that: 1, he should not email strangers from his work email address and 2, I will not write a blog post about how someone should cheat just because you want them to. That story has always stuck in my head and I have told it several times out of pure entertainment value.
MP: How has Dark Gracie changed your life?
Dark Gracie: People think that Dark Gracie is this persona and I am a different person in real life. That is a lie. Dark Gracie is the sexual side of me. As far as changing my life, it has me published in a book, it gets me free toys and it has made me able to educate my real-life friends sexually.
MP: Educate? Hmmm… sounds interesting. What is a crucial lesson you would have everyone learn when it comes to sex and sexuality?
Dark Gracie: Don’t judge. it’s so crucial to not be so closed-minded when talking to someone about their sexuality. This is a very intimate thing that someone is sharing and it’s such a sting to have someone else just laugh at it or go “ewww”. If someone is sharing it doesn’t mean you have to try it, you may not accept it or even like it but you don’t have to bash it either.
MP: How do you balance the private and public aspects of your “world”?
Dark Gracie: I run two separate browsers on my laptop, one for Dark Gracie and one for the real me. All the avatars on all websites are never of me. I am very open about this fact when asked. I like to remain anonymous for my safety. when I am writing about being choked out or raped, I don’t want someone to think I want this from a complete stranger. Other than that I wouldn’t be so anonymous. At this point in my Dark Gracie career, I don’t want to ruin the individual mental image all my readers have of me. If I am mentally fucking you, why destroy that because no matter what, the real me would probably ruin the imaginary Dark Gracie.
MP: What is your sexual philosophy?
Dark Gracie: Explore, safely experiment, and educate yourself.
As a married person, I find it very important to communicate and that means everything. E has a fetish that I can’t quite fulfill because I am not 100% into that. I have encouraged him to find this with another person because they can participate and both be into it. I have made many attempts to appease him but it ruins that sporadic “in the moment for me” because he is very particular and specific with this particular fetish.
Currently I am educating myself about polyamory. This means I read about and talk about it with other poly people. I don’t hesitate asking questions about people’s sexuality and life styles.
MP: Which suggests your personal philosophy on marriage is different than the perceived norm. Let’s not shy away from controversy here. What does ‘marriage’ mean to you?
Dark Gracie: Let me be the first to say, I am a bad person and I am not some model for the perfect marriage. With that said, and I tell everyone that knows me, my husband is LOVE and LIFE to me. I can’t imagine my life without him nor living without him. I have known him longer than I have been alive so we have a bond that is deeply threaded into our existence.
Marriage is not easy. Marriage is about communication and compromise. It’s about accepting our flaws and embracing the good qualities. It’s important to have stupid laughter and a million inside jokes. It’s about supporting each other in the passions we have in life. I am happy I married an artist as well because we understand what it takes for our art. E is proud of me and my accomplishments as a writer and photographer. He’s also my second worse critic under me and I appreciate the brutal honesty.
MP: Are there things even you find taboo?
Dark Gracie: The only thing I find taboo are acts done to a non-consenting individual. Everyone has their something, and with me enjoying breath play, I am not one to judge others but this doesn’t mean I would participate either. I can respect other people’s kinks.
MP: What advice would you give to future sex bloggers?
Dark Gracie: Unless you are a brilliant writer, and I mean fucking amazing, please for the love of god don’t write fictional erotica stories. The best sex blogging I have read are the ones that come from experience. If you do not have enough sexual experience that you want to share with the public then don’t start a sex blog. I battle the content of my blog over and over. I hate to sound like a broken record writing about the same thing over and over. I try to get creative from time-to-time and the fact that I don’t blog daily helps as well. I would say once or twice a week seems to be a nice pace to blogging, although I never seem to follow any kind of standard. I do as I please.
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