Filed under: Grace
on my way in this morning i was thinking about the spring mode i am in. people talk about being monogamous, poly-whatever, etc. etc. i even have been told by others we are not meant to be monogamous creatures and maybe that is a nice excuse to sleep around if you are married. but, in my mind i have come to my own conclusion that fits my realm. i am monogamous with my husband when it comes to unconditional love and wanting to grow old with him. however, i am not sexually monogamous because my body and mind needs that extra bit of stimulation that one man cannot give. perhaps if he tried and i know it is possible for a man to be more then a woman can ask for, but i cannot stress him with that. i am already “demanding” with my sex drive and maybe that is why he wants to impregnate me (he is thinking maybe, just maybe this will slow me down). i do not want him to constantly worry that is he not enough for me, just as i am not enough for him sexually. we seek our desires through various portals and at what point is enough enough? where do you draw the line?
right now my vision is blurry and there are no lines. i know what i need to stay sane and i refuse to nag or whine about it. i maybe surly and full of rage, but i am not going to be the typical nagging wife. i don’t even like to be called “wife”. i just want to be me.
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