His hand moved down my back and was headed between my legs. I grabbed his other hand and placed it at my neck. Fingers wrapped around the front of my throat just as the fingers on his other hand pushed inside hitting my g-spot. As my neck restricted and my jugular was squeezed I felt my body convulse into a very wet orgasm.
“Yess”, he hissed, as he knew my body’s response, “Come all over my fingers.”
The more he talked, the more I came.
The more his hand squeezed around my neck, the more I came.
The more fingers he pushed up inside me stretching my cunt to accommodate, the more I came.
It is not in his nature to be sadistic with me. In fact he is not much of a fan but he does try to appease me when he can. Forcing someone to inflict pain on you is like forcing your girlfriend or wife that is a prude to pose for “sexy” photos. It just doesn’t work. Being sadistic is an art and a skill that has experience behind it. As much as I want to receive, he wants to give. There is trust and lust behind the act.
I have a hair trigger arousal. I can read a word, hear a word, hear a song or see an image that could be completely harmless and I will find something that will cause my skin to get flush and my mind to race. It happened today and then it caused the absolute need for pain.
I’m a masochist. Actually, I’m a sadomasochist. That means I get pleasure from pain and enjoy inflicting pain upon others. Not to be mistaken for a submissive. I’m not a submissive person unless it’s forced. A lot of people do not know the definition of the word masochist and will immediately assume with me that I need to be dominated or humiliated. No. Just no. Sexuality is not black and white and there are a lot of grey areas (insert 50 Shades of Grey joke here). Each person is different with their desires and needs.
I am a person that finds a mental balance when I am feeling pain. It’s like the release of an orgasm but it’s more for the emotional part of the mind. It helps me clear the attic and let go of the demons that fester in the dark corners. I will always have demons but the pain helps calm the madness. I feel a sense of true Zen when it’s done and I can think rationally again.
The last time I truly felt this was probably with The Villain back in September when he spanked me till I was wet and grinding again his leg and when he choked me till I was coming all over his cock. He knew what he was doing and he did it well. I left his room feeling reborn and clear minded.
Fast forward to February of the New Year and I am deep in thought. I’m pining and grouchy. Sure there is sex but I need a fix.I need to be cleansed and I want that rush of a man using my body like an instrument for his pleasure and more over for mine. You can’t put out a house call for a sadistic male to come over and make things right. No, it takes a certain amount of chemistry and safety to know I won’t be injured or even killed. There’s always an element of trust that has to be taken into consideration. So, this isn’t something I can just pop on to Craig’s List and to get the itch scratched. No, I’m fucked per se. I have to wait this all out till either The Villain visits again or if someone new happens to stumble into my life.
I want to say, “Hurt me” and he will know just what to give to me.
I want to say, “Use me” and he will know just what I need.
Sex is great but for me, pain is even better.
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