Gracie\'s Playground

Tuesday February 12th 2013, 11:12 pm
Filed under: Breath Play,Fleshbot,Grace,Masochist,Mindfuck

masochistHis hand moved down my back and was headed between my legs. I grabbed his other hand and placed it at my neck. Fingers wrapped around the front of my throat just as the fingers on his other hand pushed inside hitting my g-spot. As my neck restricted and my jugular was squeezed I felt my body convulse into a very wet orgasm.

“Yess”, he hissed, as he knew my body’s response, “Come all over my fingers.”

The more he talked, the more I came.

The more his hand squeezed around my neck, the more I came.

The more fingers he pushed up inside me stretching my cunt to accommodate, the more I came.

It is not in his nature to be sadistic with me. In fact he is not much of a fan but he does try to appease me when he can. Forcing someone to inflict pain on you is like forcing your girlfriend or wife that is a prude to pose for “sexy” photos. It just doesn’t work. Being sadistic is an art and a skill that has experience behind it. As much as I want to receive, he wants to give. There is trust and lust behind the act.

I have a hair trigger arousal. I can read a word, hear a word, hear a song or see an image that could be completely harmless and I will find something that will cause my skin to get flush and my mind to race. It happened today and then it caused the absolute need for pain.

I’m a masochist. Actually, I’m a sadomasochist. That means I get pleasure from pain and enjoy inflicting pain upon others. Not to be mistaken for a submissive. I’m not a submissive person unless it’s forced. A lot of people do not know the definition of the word masochist and will immediately assume with me that I need to be dominated or humiliated. No. Just no. Sexuality is not black and white and there are a lot of grey areas (insert 50 Shades of Grey joke here). Each person is different with their desires and needs.

I am a person that finds a mental balance when I am feeling pain. It’s like the release of an orgasm but it’s more for the emotional part of the mind. It helps me clear the attic and let go of the demons that fester in the dark corners. I will always have demons but the pain helps calm the madness. I feel a sense of true Zen when it’s done and I can think rationally again.

The last time I truly felt this was probably with The Villain back in September when he spanked me till I was wet and grinding again his leg and when he choked me till I was coming all over his cock. He knew what he was doing and he did it well. I left his room feeling reborn and clear minded.

Fast forward to February of the New Year and I am deep in thought. I’m pining and grouchy. Sure there is sex but I need a fix.I need to be cleansed and I want that rush of a man using my body like an instrument for his pleasure and more over for mine. You can’t put out a house call for a sadistic male to come over and make things right. No, it takes a certain amount of chemistry and safety to know I won’t be injured or even killed. There’s always an element of trust that has to be taken into consideration. So, this isn’t something I can just pop on to Craig’s List and to get the itch scratched. No, I’m fucked per se. I have to wait this all out till either The Villain visits again or if someone new happens to stumble into my life.

I want to say, “Hurt me” and he will know just what to give to me.

I want to say, “Use me” and he will know just what I need.

Sex is great but for me, pain is even better.

This post was featured on Fleshbot

12 Comments so far
Tell me something

You have no idea, or perhaps you do, how much I can relate to this post. Yes, just yes. My submission is always questionable these days, however, my masochism will always remain and there are dark places I crave to go and there are sharp stings and rising welts I want to feel. Always.

Comment by Mina Lamieux 02.13.13 @ 2:48 am

Mina,Yes I think a few masochists out there will relate. 🙂

Comment by Dark Gracie ® 02.13.13 @ 9:36 am

oh wow! you just put words into emotions and searchings I have been seeking! I love you Gracie! thank you for continuing to shine sparkle on this glorious deviant path =)

Comment by Georgette Crush 02.14.13 @ 3:44 pm

Georgette, thank you so much lovely girl. I’m glad I conveyed that good. It’s hard for me to keep everything in line all at once.

Comment by Dark Gracie ® 02.15.13 @ 9:15 am

Deviant. Release the darkness.

Comment by X 02.14.13 @ 5:51 pm

X, I want to. Trust me, I do.

Comment by Dark Gracie ® 02.15.13 @ 9:16 am

Sexy. I trust you.

Comment by X 02.16.13 @ 8:46 am

So you want the illusion of danger with none of the danger.
Epiphany on S&M! Whoa.. mind blown.

Comment by SexyLittleIdeas 02.20.13 @ 10:36 am

SexyLittleIdeas, I want someone that knows what they are doing to inflict danger upon me. It’s not an illusion at all.

Comment by Dark Gracie ® 02.20.13 @ 1:02 pm

What I mean is, pain being our bodies response to what is usually a dangerous situation… you want all of the cookies and none of the trans fats.

Comment by SexyLittleIdeas 02.20.13 @ 3:42 pm

I am not a masochist…maybe an emotional masochist, but I don’t need the physical pain. What I do need is his need to give pain. I need to be able to meet that need for him. I do not enjoy the pain…I fear it even. But his need to give it drives me to take it, especially his knowing I don’t enjoy it, but that I receive it for him. How screwed up is that? What does that make me? And, how do I even find that? Gah.

Comment by carolynn 02.25.13 @ 7:03 am

[…] Sex is Like Tennis and Dead Horses, and Other March MetaphorsI have a hair trigger arousal. some ways light flirting is an outlet for me to show that I care about […]

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