he is learning how to give me what i need. i must stress learning. you would think after being with someone for so many years you would know what each other wants. in reality your wants change. mine have changed a lot.
he has intensified the spankings with me. his roughness has increased to a point where he mentioned that he felt it was a bit much. i told him, it was fine with me.
i told him about anticipation, however, i do not feel he has understood what that means to me.
that does not mean i do not enjoy our interactions. because, when he had my thong pulled down past my ass and was demanding i stay still and i was going to learn control, i was drenched. when he was spanking my ass till he felt it grow softer and softer, i did not complain. or when he was violating my wet cunt with his fingers as i hung over the side of the bed with his other hand around my throat…needless to say i was aroused. after he made me masturbate, while slapping my ass without remorse, orgasm 3 intense times and then he tried to shove his fingers inside of my clenched cunt, i was thrilled. over 45 minutes of play last night and his cock did not enter my cunt.
we talked afterwards and he said he would fuck me tonight…he thinks that is anticipation. yes, to some degree it is. yes, i am wet right now, but it is not because of him….it is because of another. i want to fuck and i have wanted to since this morning. i guess that is anticipation and that will work if he delivers on his promise. the anticipation i seek is the tease, tension and arousal before anything enters me. i yearn for “that moment”. there are two “moments” at least for me…one is that first thrust of a cock or finger(s) inside my wanting cunt. the second moment is getting me to that state of mind where i am at the peak of arousal…i am willing to do what you want without a second thought or saying no…i am eager to please…i want to please…i want it all…i will give it all. i am yours completely without hesitation.
i think i have caused him conflict in his mind as he is trying eagerly to give me what i need…not what i want…but what i need. his increased dominance over me makes it rather hard to see this soft side of him asking me questions so submissively.
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