Gracie\'s Playground

Tuesday April 03rd 2007, 9:47 am
Filed under: Grace

i remember when the night before i had to go to my grandma’s memorial. i was wasted from drinking about 9+ drinks and i was overly emotional. yet, i wanted to have sex. i wanted to fuck away the pain. i wanted to feel anything but the emptiness that was hallowing out my heart. i remember tasting is cum in my mouth and letting that taste stay with me the rest of the late night.

i am watching six feet under re-runs on the tv and it made me think about that night. it was her death that made me stop watching the show. i happened to catch the series last episode and just balled for a few minutes.

3 Comments so far
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I think it’s only natural to try to experience life as fully as possible in the face of death. Interestingly enough (to me, at least), I had a similar experience once. Also reminds me of the scene in High Fidelity, where she asks him to have sex in the car in the rain after her dad’s funeral. The point: it’s a completely natural emotional response. You take good care, hope all is well.

Comment by Tom 04.03.07 @ 10:03 am

I used to fuck away the pain. Everything hurt so much inside me that I would do anything to distract me. Sex, in many meaningless ways, was the same as cutting to me then. It distracted me from the pain; it was my way of coping. Now it’s about the fucking and not the distracting, and it’s so much better for me.

I have seen that episode many times. It makes me cry as well.

Comment by Chris 04.03.07 @ 5:36 pm

I understand fucking away the pain. It’s distracting, and frees you.

Comment by badbadgirlx 04.06.07 @ 6:45 pm

Say what is on your mind
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