Gracie\'s Playground

Tuesday February 24th 2009, 6:31 pm
Filed under: Grace,Mindfuck

he lives nestled in this dark part of my mind. he was the one to open it and then he staked an eternal claim upon it. i won’t fight it, it really is his. he opened pandora’s box and with that came pain, pleasure, emotional torment and even depression. every emotion in the rainbow both he and i have experienced through this endless journey we make with each other.

it’s never really over when one of us says it is.
however, there is always a parting of ways at some point in time.
yet, we find each other relapsing like a pair of junkies wanting another last fix so we can clean up again.

the fact is, we are bound together in this very contradicting relationship. what holds true is we both care deeply for one another and that never changes in the whirlwinds we endure together.

his words seeped into my mind like an illicit drug and i have never been able to fully shake him from me ever since. i don’t think i ever want to. like a drug addict to their drugs, like a prostitute to her pimp, like the abused to her abuser, he will always have a place in the crevice of my brain matter.

it’s not wrong…
i can leave at any time…
no one is really hurting the other…
this won’t have a negative impact on me…
just one more time…

8 Comments so far
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Comment by Dylan Kerbrat 02.24.09 @ 6:54 pm

This is uncomfortably famaliar to me.

Comment by Andrea 02.25.09 @ 9:54 am

it’s said that you become a witch by leaving your daemon behind as you travel through the underworld. after you go through the torment of separation, both witch and daemon can operate independently of each other – but they are still one.

Comment by sigh 02.25.09 @ 1:23 pm

Nothing wrong with an addiction. Junkie to some but therapist to others…

Comment by Liras 03.03.09 @ 3:10 pm

My Favorite. This spoke to me and of me. Reminds me of all the moments I fight daily to forget. *smile*

Comment by Marilyn 03.15.09 @ 12:36 am

Wish you could see into the future? does the cycle ever end.. do you really want it to.. its wild, yet comfortable and the best you’ll ever have; but what happens in the end – i wish i knew

Comment by --- 03.17.09 @ 11:38 am

Hauntingly familiar, Gracie. I seem to find some strange part of myelf each time I visit here. Personally my addicton ended like a train wreck, although in hindsight it could have been much, much worse. I still crave, I still hunger, I still want. Althouth it’s tempered now with the remembrance of balance, that while the pleasure is intense, the pain is equally intense. Being somewhat of a pain slut though, I’m still drawn to it some days…LOL. Luckily, he’s not so into pain 🙂

That last paragraph really spoke to me. I told myself those very same things for such a long time and believed them so ferverently. It feels good to know we’re not the only freaks in the world b/c it sure feels that way some days!

Comment by Mimi 03.20.09 @ 7:23 pm

I am so jonesing…I felt like maybe one of my alternate personalities must have written this entry as I read it…so singing my song

Comment by annie 08.14.11 @ 9:08 pm

Say what is on your mind
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