Photo by The Rick Legal
He came inside me and my hips kept grinding into the bed. His body fell beside me; I grabbed his hand and wrapped it around my throat while his other hand trailed between my legs. Two fingers entered into me and I gasped as I squeezed his hand tighter around my neck.
“You gonna come with my load inside you?” He whispered right against my ear.
My teeth were clenched and I managed a “Yess” as his fingers dug and rubbed against my g-spot.
“Come for me,” was the familiar chant.
“Yes, I want to come for you, over and over.” Was what I thought as my mind raced and my eyes rolled from the lack of oxygen. I hung my head into the large hand pressing against my jugular.
My body started to climb and vibrate. All the surrounding noise was gone as the boom exploded and I saw black. I could hear his sound of approval as noises of my panting for air started to register back to my consciousness.
Then the flood rushed to my frontal lobe and I was overwhelmed as my panting turned into a hyperventilated sob. It’s uncontrollable and my head fell into his arm as the hair clung to my face and shielded my eyes from him. Coming down is never easy when you get up so high.
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I can’t sleep.
I can’t relax.
I can’t sit still.
I’m aching. I watched the time tick by on my phone as I reviewed twitter, checked emails and looked at website stats. I just could not make my eyes heavy but my head started to hurt from reading on a tiny device in the dark.
I need a dose of pain. I need a dose of him. It has been too long and I’m un-sexily suffocating from me pushing the need to the side day after day. You can’t ignore a part of you that is, you. I didn’t want to panic but I wanted to sleep.
My brain wandered and I missed a certain blog from a certain individual. I Google to see if there is any trace of these sadistically pieced words that left my skin burning and my mind racing. Low and behold, it’s the first link on the hit list. I’m in luck, so I thought.
I combed through the archives because I knew specifically three posts that were burned into my memory banks. I find one and I read it savoring every word and punctuation. After I got to the end I gasped in the very late hours of the night. Clark was fast asleep and would be getting up in a few hours. I dread not being able to sleep but my body is on now. My mind wanted more. I looked for the second post and found it, this one more sadistic than the first one found. My fingers found my parted lips as I read and I felt a pain of longing between my legs. This is just torture yet there’s a slight comfort in reading someone’s experiences and thoughts. Being in his head for that moment calmed my mind just a little.
The last post took some time to find as I stopped, read other posts and skimmed reading key words that popped out at me in 3D like: “razor”, “blood”, “cut” and “pain”. Just as I found the last post that I wanted to read, I heard an alarm go off and I’m snapped out of this masochist trance. I couldn’t believe I had been up for hours reading like an addict and Clark saw the light shining on my serious face.
“Yeah, can’t sleep.”
“What are you reading?”
He got up to get ready for work. I decided I wouldn’t be able to work in the morning like this and sent off emails as needed. Clark took the opportunity to molest me for a few seconds and pecked my face before leaving.
I heard Clark’s car start and he pulled away. I nestled my head back against the blood red pillow, put the phone back on and read. My eyes were dreamy and heavy with lust. My heart was racing. My right hand tangled in my panties as I touched the smooth skin. I would grip my thigh, my hipbone or tug at the panties more. When I got to the end I let out a breath.
My hand reached down to the second drawer of the nightstand without looking. I shut the phone off, grabbed the vibrator, turned it on and pushed it against my clit. I closed my eyes playing out the words in my head and replacing her with me. I started to hold my breath as my orgasm climbed. Just when I thought I couldn’t hold my breath any longer my body exploded in the dark hours of the morning. I gasped for air, sucked in a big breath and my body convulsed as I shut off the vibrator. I lay there catching my breath and relished in deep thought but my eyes narrowed. It wasn’t enough. It’s never enough.
The vibrator came back on and my eyes were closed tight. I bit my bottom lip as I saw blood drip on 8mm, scratched black and white film in my mind. The dark thickness running from the cut and a tongue caught the heavy droplet. My breathing stopped again, the climb is harder and my skin is flushed and red. I come again moaning, huffing and puffing and sucking in more air. I pant as the vibrator turns off during the post orgasm autopilot mode. My whole mind and body react and curl up into a ball of emotions. The tears welled up in my eyes and I sob for a few seconds. This is nothing new for me; I regained my composure and fell asleep for a few hours.
His hand moved down my back and was headed between my legs. I grabbed his other hand and placed it at my neck. Fingers wrapped around the front of my throat just as the fingers on his other hand pushed inside hitting my g-spot. As my neck restricted and my jugular was squeezed I felt my body convulse into a very wet orgasm.
“Yess”, he hissed, as he knew my body’s response, “Come all over my fingers.”
The more he talked, the more I came.
The more his hand squeezed around my neck, the more I came.
The more fingers he pushed up inside me stretching my cunt to accommodate, the more I came.
It is not in his nature to be sadistic with me. In fact he is not much of a fan but he does try to appease me when he can. Forcing someone to inflict pain on you is like forcing your girlfriend or wife that is a prude to pose for “sexy” photos. It just doesn’t work. Being sadistic is an art and a skill that has experience behind it. As much as I want to receive, he wants to give. There is trust and lust behind the act.
I have a hair trigger arousal. I can read a word, hear a word, hear a song or see an image that could be completely harmless and I will find something that will cause my skin to get flush and my mind to race. It happened today and then it caused the absolute need for pain.
I’m a masochist. Actually, I’m a sadomasochist. That means I get pleasure from pain and enjoy inflicting pain upon others. Not to be mistaken for a submissive. I’m not a submissive person unless it’s forced. A lot of people do not know the definition of the word masochist and will immediately assume with me that I need to be dominated or humiliated. No. Just no. Sexuality is not black and white and there are a lot of grey areas (insert 50 Shades of Grey joke here). Each person is different with their desires and needs.
I am a person that finds a mental balance when I am feeling pain. It’s like the release of an orgasm but it’s more for the emotional part of the mind. It helps me clear the attic and let go of the demons that fester in the dark corners. I will always have demons but the pain helps calm the madness. I feel a sense of true Zen when it’s done and I can think rationally again.
The last time I truly felt this was probably with The Villain back in September when he spanked me till I was wet and grinding again his leg and when he choked me till I was coming all over his cock. He knew what he was doing and he did it well. I left his room feeling reborn and clear minded.
Fast forward to February of the New Year and I am deep in thought. I’m pining and grouchy. Sure there is sex but I need a fix.I need to be cleansed and I want that rush of a man using my body like an instrument for his pleasure and more over for mine. You can’t put out a house call for a sadistic male to come over and make things right. No, it takes a certain amount of chemistry and safety to know I won’t be injured or even killed. There’s always an element of trust that has to be taken into consideration. So, this isn’t something I can just pop on to Craig’s List and to get the itch scratched. No, I’m fucked per se. I have to wait this all out till either The Villain visits again or if someone new happens to stumble into my life.
I want to say, “Hurt me” and he will know just what to give to me.
I want to say, “Use me” and he will know just what I need.
Sex is great but for me, pain is even better.
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“You’re greedy,” he said to me staring up at the ceiling. The room was dark with the sun rising behind the city fog and the drapes were still open from last night.
“I know,” I replied with my head on his lower chest.
“You should be punished for being such a greedy slut,” he said as he squeezed my arm lightly.
“You should,” I replied, egging him on. I had only known him a few hours I wanted to see if he would be good on his word. I wanted to see if he had the gall to spank me but I knew better. I wanted it. I wanted his brutality.
His body moved upward, he grabbed and pulled me towards him like he was going to hug me but it was to expose my ass. He landed a hard spank to my ass; I gripped my arms around him and let out a gasp of delight into his ear. He was not new to this act and he had done it plenty of times before. He spanked me again and my hands gripped his back and I let out another gasp into his ear. I could feel myself getting wet with each hit and as he continued to slowly pace out harder hits to my full ass I could feel my wetness seep to his thigh. The gasps turned into moans and I wanted his cock in me.
When he had enough with spanking me he pushed me to my back and crawled up between my legs. He towered tall above me as he gripped my hips and pulled my cunt upward towards him. His cock pushed inside and I was filled with every inch of him. I was soaked from his foreplay of beating me.
“You’re so tight.” He pushed in and out of me. “I haven’t been with someone this tight in a long time.” He continued as he fucked me harder and harder. Every so often he would push his cock all the way inside me and say something to me and I would come all over his cock. “You were built for fucking,” he would whisper, “You should fuck as much as possible in this life.”
His hand grabbed my face and his thumb pushed inside my mouth. I sucked his thumb as he continued thrusting; I moved his hand to my throat and his hand gripped. My body shuddered as I came over and over. He would release and grip over and over till at one point my body went limp. He let go and I gasped for air and consciousness. This didn’t stop him but only fuck me harder. His words were poison that went in my ears and flowed out of my cunt. He knew what to say without knowing me and he knew how to make me come without asking me. He played my body like a familiar instrument that he was well rehearsed with. It all felt like a dream, a long and lustful dream.
“I’m gonna come inside you,” he warned me and I knew it was coming with his body tensing. He let out a deep groan as his cock pulsed inside me and I came along with him.
He fell off me to the bed and I could feel how damp the sheets were. We were both covered in sweat and fluids.
“We have destroyed this bed. I’m gonna have to leave the maid a huge tip to deal with this,” he said catching his breath.
I let out a laugh as I panted. The room started to get brighter and the sky was still littered with clouds. Our time was going to soon end and I didn’t think being with him would be this good but it was.
The Villain made his mark on me and now I’m waiting for another session with him.
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The Good Girl
I don’t know how many times I have said I would love to fuck myself but it’s true.
I love sex with women but I have found that women are in fact difficult, far too much drama and silliness than it’s worth. I know why men put up with the nonsense but I just find myself walking away most times. Which led to me just wanting to fuck myself and by that meaning, I would love for once to find a woman just like me or be able to clone myself, so I could fuck her.
I don’t want any games.
I don’t want any drama.
I don’t want any emotions.
I. Just. Want. To. Fuck.
All I can focus on is the moment we are behind closed doors together. I am aggressive with women, which makes her aggressive as well. This doesn’t make for sensual pleasantries. No, in fact, this makes for a fight for who is on top. I would straddle her grabbing her face to kiss her while her hands are pulling at my shirt to remove it to get at my breasts. My right hand grabs a large handful of her hair as I yank her head back so I can get at her neck and ears. This is when she is limp and the fighting stops. I know her weakness. I know what her kryptonite is and I was the first to get there.
“You think you are going to top me little girl?” I whisper in her ear and letting my tongue trail down her jugular. She gasps as her body is quaking beneath me. It’s when I bite down on her porcelain flesh that she lets out a loud moan from her full lips.
“Tell me you are mine.” I hiss in her ear. She grunts and is speechless. Her cunt is thrusting up and I know what she wants. I grab her hair tighter and throwing her head back even further.
“Little cunt, tell me you are mine.” I am now snarling into her ear. My left hand is groping at her breast and I won’t let her cunt grind against me.
“I-I-I…” She attempts to say but her body has fallen victim to her weakness and I know this all too well. My hand lets go of her hair, wraps around her throat and I know she is going to come when I squeeze.
“Tell me baby and I’ll fuck you good. Tell me you are mine.” I soothe into her ear as I let go of her throat and let me hand trail lazily down, down, down towards her cunt that has soaked through her jeans. “This is what you want, right?” I barely touch between her legs to feel the wetness and she is shuddering near an orgasm.
“Yes!” She blurts out as her legs shake violently. “Please!” She begs. “I’m yours! I’m yours!” I can tell she feels defeat and her pride has been shoved into the wetness between her legs but I am certain she won’t regret her decision to give in.
“Good girl.” I sweetly whisper into her ear as my hand shoves down her jeans, down her panties, right into the folds of her cunt, I shove two fingers into her tightness and curl. The wetness floods my fingers and she is moaning and cursing at the world.
“FUCK!” She yells as I curl and rub her g-spot and I know she is helpless. Her jeans are soaking down to her knees and the gushing is not stopping as every muscle in her body has seized to the invasion of my fingers.
My hand pulls from her cunt and out. I stare at the tears streaming from her face and the hair sticking to her face. Her eyes are closed and her lips are quivering. Her hands have gripped the blanket till her knuckles turned white. She was lost and I know she wants more.
I pull her shirt and bra off. She unbuttons her jeans, slides everything down and kicks the jeans and panties from her legs. My mouth latches to her nipple and I bite down. She whimpers and cries out in pain but her thighs are telling me otherwise. My hand pushes her milky stems apart as I circle her throbbing clit. I suck and bite. I want to leave a mark and I want it to last. She lets out a mix of gasps and moans and her body is already tensing as I continue to rub her clit harder and faster. She is pressing her cunt against my fingers and I am biting her nipple between my teeth. She is going to come when her thighs clamp tightly back together.
“I-I-I’m gonna come.” She says breathlessly and I rub harder and faster. Right when she is peaking, I suck her nipple in my mouth and bite and she is screaming at the world again. “FUUUUUUCCCKKKKK!” She yells up at the ceiling.
My mouth lets her tit go and I watch her curl into a ball of mush. She is crying again and I know what that means. I know she has a flood of emotions coming to the front of her mind and she is overwhelmed. Before I let her marinate in the aftershocks of her orgasm I push down her body, spread her locked legs wide and she is begging me to stop.
“Remember, you’re mine.” I sternly look into her eyes. I knew she wanted it because her thighs parted too easily and her cunt pushed upward as I spoke into her mound. She always wants more. She never can get enough.
Just to assert myself with her I bite her inner thigh. She yelps and cries out grabbing the sheets and pulling them from the mattress. I push her thighs wide and I shove my face into her soaked cunt. She tastes sweet and familiar. I tongue at her clit and I tongue at her tightness. I shove in two fingers as I suck her hard clit and she is already bucking against my face. She can’t help herself as she grabs my head and shoves her cunt against my mouth. I near suffocate as she comes grinding against my tongue and lips and my fingers are soaked with her come. She is an orgasmic pile of mess on the bed as I pull my fingers out and move myself to her eye level. I shove my fingers into her mouth as she sucks hungrily. My lips nestle next to her ear and I whisper, “You’re a good girl.” Her eyes are dreamy and close as she bites gently on my fingers.
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