Gracie\'s Playground

Tuesday July 03rd 2007, 3:22 pm
Filed under: Grace

i am curious and wanted to post this question or statement to other bi-sexuals out there since it has been plaguing my mind…

i wonder if bi-sexuals are like me…very picky about how they select the same sex. not that i just take any male but i seem to find men that i connect with much easier then women or…women are just difficult and the reason why it is hard to find ANY woman no matter what your sex or sexual orientation is.

what do you think? do bi-sexual men find it harder to find a male companion/sex partner?

10 Comments so far
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I have a hard time finding women that I connect with as well. I think it comes from the fact that most of the women I would be attracted to would not flaunt that side of their sexuality. So, it is harder to find out if they are interested in that way. I have a tendency to be protective of that side of my sexuality for professional reasons and that it is not quite accepted where I live. That would also make it harder for potential partners to know that I am interested as well.
Just a few thoughts for you. Hope it makes sense.

thank you Megan for sharing that with me. i realize and forget that where we live can have an affect on our sexualities, along with other factors. i tend to meet a lot of women online since it is more “open”. even then it is tough to weed through them all.

Comment by Megan 07.03.07 @ 4:11 pm

In my opinion, it is hard to find another woman who would be an appropriate partner for me. The women that I am attracted are feminine and not obviously bisexual or lesbian. They are hard to find. I connect well with women, but I keep my guard up to a certain extent because I do not like to discuss this side of me with just anyone. I was not as picky with my ex-lover/wife as I should have been and now I have raised my standards in the wake of that relationship that has ended. My standards are high as far as men are concerned as well. I think that being picky is a great thing. You know what you want and you will not accept anything less than that.

high standards are important. in the end our happiness is a key thing to life. sharing your life with another individual has to fit together.

thank you for sharing.

i am glad my pickiness finally paid off.

Comment by Sage 07.03.07 @ 10:57 pm

I have absolutely no experience in this realm. However, I do understand how it is difficult for a woman to find another woman. We aren’t easy to get along with and we can be very competitive and “catty” with each other. But when we do make a connection with another female.. it becomes a life long friendship… or maybe even more, depending on what it is you are looking for.

thank you for your input Mina. women are very emotional creatures and i think that causes some “barrier” at times.

Comment by Mina 07.04.07 @ 7:45 am

Am I more picky about my female lovers than my males? I don’t think so. Despite my active imagination and provocative writings, I am very selective about my lovers, and it takes some time for me to become comfortable enough with a potential new one to have sex with him/her. But unlike Mina I haven’t had too much trouble finding ladies interested in me when I am receptive to a new relationship.


perhaps it is me. i have such a hard time with females.

Comment by Cherrie 07.04.07 @ 9:55 am

The only women I’ve been with in my life have been lesbians. Not bi-sexual women who play with girls, but true lesbians. Often the stereotypical, flannel wearing, bull-dyke. The woman I was with for many years was not stereotypical, but clearly butchier than me.

I haven’t been looking for women to play with. As I’ve said before, I’m all about cock these days. But were I to look for one, I know it would be easy. I may be craving cock, but my “gaydar” is intact. 🙂


i see, interesting.

i just like to assume all girls are bi-sexual. of course that is simple of me. but hey i have seen far too much alochol induced girls become very grabby in the ass and boob area along with making out profusely.

Comment by Eve 07.05.07 @ 11:54 am

I find that the truly bi-sexual male is a fairly rare bird. And one with a mind as deviant as mine is rarer yet.

i have had some positive run-ins with bi-sexual males. a lot of the times however, i found more bi-curious males that are middle aged.

a deviant match IS a hard thing to come by i have to admit and that goes for both sexes.

Comment by Tom 07.05.07 @ 2:55 pm

I find this exchange so interesting today as I begin to explore this side of my sexuality. I have never considered myself bi sexual. Lately though I am convinced that I am more than ready for this type of encounter. This exchange helped me think of a few things I had not before.

Pixie, thank you for your thoughts. some people find it easier then others to connect with the same sex. i seem to have a bit of a battle with it. however, i feel very fortunate now to have found someone that i really love and care for. it is patience in the end and she was well worth the wait.

Comment by pixiepie 07.07.07 @ 8:53 am

Interesting theory, that bisexuals find the same sex somewhat harder to interact with sexually. This has certainly been the case for me. It’s not even that I know exactly what kind of guy I’d find particularly attractice, but rather that I tend to get along better—regardless of the context—with women than with men. It’s easy for me to do girl talk. It’s really hard for me to be “one of the guys.”

that is interesting Maymay that we are similar on that. thank you for sharing your thoughts on the topic.


Comment by maymay 07.07.07 @ 10:40 pm

I’m definately guilty of being considerably more particular about male partners than female partners. For one thing, I prefer very smooth, femme men. Plus, I have a strong fetish for pre-op male-to-female transsexuals, though I don’t know where you’d categorize that :-).

that sounds delicious D.

i seem to be very crucial on the women’s looks as well.

Comment by Dausa 07.07.07 @ 11:35 pm

This is such a great post. I’m not sure I’ll be able to write all that I want to and write it correctly – in the way that I want.

I think that the challenge you are facing is the general (and this is a wide generality, but has been consistent in all my experiences) difference between the way men and women approach sex. Women are much more thoughtful and considered in how they approach it when it’s something or someone new. Men are much more gung-ho. But I think it also has to do with societal expectations. (Again in general,) Men are expected to be the leaders, the initiators. So when two women who are bi-sexual and approaching a sexual experience things are a little off. I’ve seen this with my own wife and her approach to other women. Unless a woman has been forward and made the first move it’s been a fumbling mess. She’s met women online and had a couple great conversations, but she and the other woman seem to dance around each other waiting for something to happen and when it doesn’t they both give up.

Also, you women tend to be incredibly hard on each other in life in general. I’ve seen more than one woman take another down at work or even in a bar setting. My wife is definitely more picky in terms of what a woman looks like and her personality than with a guy. Also, there is the cliched stigma of a bisexual woman that can sometimes trip up some women.

As far, as my own experiences with men as a bi guy. Tom and DAUSA hit two great points. Tom is right. The true bisexual man is a rare creature. Many bi guys tend to limit what they want or are willing to do. Or in my case if my wife is involved with the equation be willing to “be open” to the idea, but really he’s more interested in my wife. Also, as DAUSA alludes to, there are much more established roles and types for men when it comes to man-sex. You have a type or you are someone’s type. Or you are a bottom, top or everything in between. This tends to slot guys (you or the rest) into categories. Sometimes that means you find a lot that you want and other times it means there is no one. This is definitely where gay men culture gets applied.

But to be honest it has not been too hard to find guys who are willing to be bi with me and my wife. And I’m certainly not picky. Maybe that’s because I know I have my wife in the experience so part of the fun is for both of us involved. So even if we don’t click with someone we usually end up having a fun time out being flirty.

Comment by mark (raven in nyc) 07.30.07 @ 1:50 pm

Say what is on your mind
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