he lives nestled in this dark part of my mind. he was the one to open it and then he staked an eternal claim upon it. i won’t fight it, it really is his. he opened pandora’s box and with that came pain, pleasure, emotional torment and even depression. every emotion in the rainbow both he and i have experienced through this endless journey we make with each other.

it’s never really over when one of us says it is.
however, there is always a parting of ways at some point in time.
yet, we find each other relapsing like a pair of junkies wanting another last fix so we can clean up again.

the fact is, we are bound together in this very contradicting relationship. what holds true is we both care deeply for one another and that never changes in the whirlwinds we endure together.

his words seeped into my mind like an illicit drug and i have never been able to fully shake him from me ever since. i don’t think i ever want to. like a drug addict to their drugs, like a prostitute to her pimp, like the abused to her abuser, he will always have a place in the crevice of my brain matter.

it’s not wrong…
i can leave at any time…
no one is really hurting the other…
this won’t have a negative impact on me…
just one more time…

it’s all in overdrive. i feel uncontrollable with my libido. i read little lines and my mind is immediately shot into images of filth, sex, lust. i build the anticipation for so long and can not subside it like i have done in the past. i have to come, no, i need to come.

last night i wanted a voice in my ear, i wanted help “seeing god”. all though it could not be arranged i laid in the dark plunging my vibrator between my legs. i couldn’t find satisfaction in the bulbous vibrator penetrating my cunt. i pulled it out and pressed it on my clit and my eyes rolled and fluttered. i start to climb but then it leaps into an explosion. i writhe, groan and shudder.

it was a temporary relief to a larger need. i know with how i feel today i am going to want “it”. “it” consumes me. that “it” won’t really be scratched till saturday and as far as my perspective is now, it seems like ages away.

sometimes i wonder if he and i are neurologically connected. i think he can sense my need, my lust, my drive or he is just reading my tweets (insert smirk here).

he emails me.
i write back.

after a few exchanges and i am guessing he is testing the waters. he sends me something he wrote. the first sentence and i am throbbing, twitching and my breathing slows down. i read on and it is exactly what i need, want, desire. my heart starts pounding and i can feel the wetness pooling. when i get to the end i am shaking at a response back to him. it’s been such a long time and i feel like i took a hit of something really fucking good.

my discipline, my control, my will power is out the door.

i grab my vibrator and i come within seconds. it wasn’t short, it was long and drawn out as the images were playing in my mind. i lay there panting and quivering and the buzz of the vibrator reeling on the highest setting. my clit is numb and a few minutes later i try again and i yelp and whine my orgasm free.

it feels so good to have that again. to have colors in my mind and reading words that physical hold and mold me.

Thank you Madeline Glass for Fleshbotting this post.

i think at the wee hours of this AM, i had multiple orgasms in my sleep. i can’t remember if i was dreaming of something sexual. what i do remember is pushing for the orgasms and feeling that intense release at the end. it must have been the realization last night when i got out of the tub that i hadn’t had an orgasm in a long while. i am sure i was hoping for nocturnal orgasms and i got what i wished for.

tonight, while waiting for field definitions to process over a brutally slow connection, i had the urge to come. as i was watching the numbers tick slowfully down, i found temptation at my finger tips as i navigated to RedTube and watched a girl get fucked in the ass. that was all i needed to find myself shuddering several times. i believe i stopped at three, found all was right with the world and went back to work.

in short, i need to get laid.

you are alone, you could make the tiniest of pricks to watch the red bead out or a little more so it seeps out like pre-cum.
do you lick the blood?
i do.

that sting is such a rush that many don’t get.
it’s like that first lick of a throbbing clit.
or the first few seconds of no air.
or the lack of blood to the brain.