i really need to stop watching so much porn. that seems to be my nightly thing during this long and shitty week. i imagine i would be in a much more fowl mood had i not ended the painful days with a few orgasms. i used to be able to watch porn, become aroused and get wet but hold off on the urgent need to get off. i am not sure what kind of monster i am becoming. because i have this new fond obsession with masturbation i have been looking at toys that i really would love to add to my collection: stainless steel threaded love wand in a 1inch of course and the pure plug 2.0.

i opened up my chat application this evening to see one line from D, “want to molest you little girl.” that made me smile and squirm at the same time as my thoughts rush to him pushing as many fingers as he can shove up inside of me. i enjoy him being filthy with me and encourage the taboo words that come from his mind. i wonder how far he and i can take it. i hope it is to the point that the deviants i know would turn away from such an exchange.

next friday will mark the second year of me blogging. since i really don’t want to reflect right now, i did want to see if any fellow exhibitionist readers or bloggers out there wanted to submit a photo that represents “2″. i will pick the photo(s) to go along with my “2 years of blogging” post. you will get credit of course unless you want to remain anonymous. if you submit a photo please let me know how you do or do not want to be credited for your efforts. i will take it upon myself to alter, crop or enhance any photos i see fit.

yes, i am still having sex, phone sex and everything else in between. i just try hard not to sound like a broken record on here. so, if it is worthy of writing about, well then i write about it. i have a feeling once this dreadful training is over with and i cut my running down i will have more free time and energy. till then, hang in there and bear with me. it is down to mere weeks now and i am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Edit: on the photos…you all know me, please be creative. put some thought into it. *smile*

i tend to meet the remarkable people in my life on a fluke and he was no exception. when i think of him i smile and get so excited on the inside that i want to release the energy in some small child excitement kind of form.

as some women tend to fall in love at a gesture or the eyes or a smile mine was with his words. all it took was one sentence and i just knew, knew that he was going to seep inside of me like a virus and spread frantically. the connection was so immediate and i feel now could be deathly fatal. even as i write this i can feel his energy inside of me.

there is this underlying fear, fear of things getting out of hand or emotions getting too strong that it would hurt. perhaps that is why we love each other from afar and with distance. when we do connect it stays with me and lasts longer then any drug high. our heads are a filling balloon and it could take something as delicate as a feather tip or grain of salt to burst this intensity.

when i know a bond with an individual can be detrimental to my heart i run with it. i take that plunge and the risk that goes along with it. life is a roller coaster and i refuse to be a spectator so i take love with its peaks and valleys and when i die, i will know that i lived a full and passionate life.

Thursday

i am alone at work. i settle on the couch with layers of towels beneath me, pants and panties pulled down and i waited. i have been anticipating a call for days now.

the phone rang and instead of minutes of idle chat he knew the moment i answered the phone. i knew i was desperate but it had been weeks since i had an orgasm.

my hand crawled between my legs slowly circling my clit. my eyes closed as i watched us in my mind. i was his “slut”, his “bitch” and both of our need surfaced with urgency.

i grabbed my vibrator and pushed it hard against my clit. i heard him cum loudly and with aggression. my body tensed as my lip curled. goddamn, it had been far too long. i came and i came with tears. i panted my way back to some form of normalcy as we caught up with each other like two old friends.

Friday

the phrase, “the more you get, the more you want” applies with my sexual appetite. my intense orgasms did not subside the dying need for a fuck and more. i want more and i need more. sexual thoughts course through my veins as i try so very hard to line up a call with D.

i spend the whole day thinking about getting off and to makes matters worse Mina and Amorphous add to the frustrations of my need.

but, because i am not in my own bed friday night, my call with D fails and i go to bed exhausted and squirming.

Saturday

i run my 14 miles and this is no small feat. i fear that my sex drive will diminish after the extreme demands on my body. i go home, shower, crawl into bed and pass out.

when i come to, i find myself slowly feeling normal again. i start to watch porn online and like a trigger i need to fuck. E decides to take off late in the evening and i try to get a hold of D.

i lay there in the dark in my fuck room. the phone rings and i take a deep breath in and my heart starts to race. his voice makes me melt and instantly i am wet. he makes his demands of me, “plug your ass for me”, “fuck that cunt”, “beg me to come.” i do every little thing he asks of me because i want to hear him cum. i want to be the one that makes him lose his load.

the most memorable phrase that made him curse me…”i am Daddy’s Girl…i am Daddy’s Girl” over and over.

Sunday

the pain to fuck grows much more demanding. i find myself watching more porn and the one clip that makes me grab frantically for the vibrator to get off is watching a husband plug and unplug his wife’s ass with a njoy. watching his fingers slide inside her and out, knowing he is licking them to be more slick to enter her, watching him molest her holes was getting me off.

i press the vibrator hard against me and i come in seconds grunting and panting.

Monday

you guessed it…i NEED to fuck.

i sat in traffic with my right hand on my gear shift. as i coasted in 4th gear my fingers started to graze down the shaft. i thought about your cock as my finger and middle finger stroked the smooth metal. i started to squirm in my seat wondering if your cock was this smooth and hard. my fingers parted around the girth and moved upward to the knob. would your cock  head have this much of a lip as i slid under the rim moving to the top?

when i had to shift into 5th gear i felt disgruntled as i couldn’t feel you as i drove. my fingers would gently fondle the knob thinking about the head of your cock. when i shifted from that moment on i was careful thinking i was handling your cock in my soft hand. i was so focused on symbolizing your cock that i was lost in the thought and sensation. i didn’t care if drivers in large SUV’s or trucks drove by and saw me blatantly masturbating my gear shift…your cock. in fact i hope they saw me and internally wished that someone was handling their cock like i was.

i am dying for you. thoughts of you are consuming my mind.

when i blink and linger with my lids closed i can see you.

when it is dead quiet i can feel your lips next to my ear whispering pure filth inside of me replenishing my deviant mind.

when i lick my lips i can taste you and when i bite my bottom lip i can feel your flesh.

when my nails trail along the bed sheets i can feel your back.

why must you make me wait?

it has been days since i came…no weeks now.

it has been weeks since i had a cock  in me.

i am not bitter, nor surly or even furious over the matter.

but at this very moment…right now i want an older man. someone that has confidence and take me in a way that will make me and leave me speechless.

i lay here naked, lay here waiting and lay here stirring inside.

i miss so many things and only right now i want to spread my legs to be claimed again.

all it took was a butterfly’s wings.