“whisper my name,” he tells me.

of course i do when i get off thinking about him, the images, what i have seen, what he has said. he is always in my mind in the dark crevices of matter and i yank him out when i need a “fix”.

“whisper my name,” he tells me.

i always do when he is the cause of violent orgasms that cause me to grip at whatever is nearby. i clench my teeth and snarl like a beast. he brings out the monster in me.

“whisper my name,” he tells me.

something so simple, yet so arousing when you tell a guy you whispered his name when you came and “he” is not your husband.

he compels me in such a way that he is the one person i cannot approach. i sit and watch him from afar and wonder intently what it is like to be with him behind closed doors. i wonder if the demeanor he exposes to the public holds true when being intimate with him. he is the one person that i fantasize the most about and he will never know this.

this man will never know how many times he makes me quiver, ache and yearn for his touch, his lips, his cock.

as most things that sit in this head of mine it is better to leave those thoughts as thoughts and not ruin them with physical anomalies.

he was on the phone with C again. this seems to be a reoccurring routine for what seems to be an inconvenient time for me. yet, i still do not say anything. i was running around the house in panties and tight t-shirt. i had to be clothed somewhat, i was still sick. his talking is like a machine to me with its rhythms and fluid flows. sometimes i tune it out and other times i tune it in. i especially tune in to his speech patterns when he is molesting me. it is a high turn on for me.

i am in the kitchen at the sink cleaning up and comes in behind me without warning and bends me into the sink and pulls down my panties. one would think his talking would be affected by such gestures and yet not one pause, not one overly pronounced word, not a flinch on his part. he keeps talking as if nothing has happened and he pushes the dildo inside of me and starts to fuck me with it without care. i grip the cold tile and puff ever so quietly into the sink and i focus on his speaking. i wonder if he would even make a notion if i was sucking his cock while on the phone. he exerts force on the arm that fucks me and yet not a heavy breath or grunt escapes his hypnotic speaking.

just yesterday i was on the fuck bed and he motioned for me to come to him. i stood before him like a girl with big eyes, he pulled off my shirt, tugged on my still sore nipples and whispered to me to take a nap behind him. i am not certain if C can hear his requests for me. i even wonder if C finds it so hard to believe that i would be talked to in such a manner without protest. i am sure C could care less but the thought just adds fuel to my own fire.

i crawled on the bed in my thong, sat on my legs as i positioned the pillows as such, making sure that he caught a glimpse of my cunt snug against the fabric of my attire as i had to pick up pillows that have fallen against the wall. i slightly turned my head to catch him starring in my peripheral view. i slowly positioned myself on my stomach laying down making sure to stick my ass just a little bit up for his viewing pleasure. i laid there with my eyes closed listening to his words flow like a river through my ears, into my mind and out again.

“hang on a sec,” he says into the phone. i hear the phone hit the desk, the chair squeaks as he gets up and i feel him on top of me. his mouth in my ear and his hands grabbing, groping at whatever he can reach. i moan into the pillow and thrust my ass up against his body. he pinches and grabs at my ass and takes a few smacks. he gives me a parting kiss and resumes his conversation.

sometimes he drives me wild.

i feel as if my mind is trapped in a deviant coma. i feel so “dead” on the outside but my mind races feverishly with constant thoughts of my sexuality which i still cannot pin down.

when out in public i stare at men with wedding bands on with their gray streaks in their hair. i want them all and at once. i cannot explain this desire and undying need to have a “taken” man take me. my hunger for a fleshy hard cock inside of me eats away at my limits and boundaries. strange for me to have limits and boundaries you think? we all have them, even the deviant ones.

i know at this point i am irrational in thought. i know at this point i will make a hasty decision, well at least to a normal human.  i know at this point i won’t feel guilt for my actions. i am a creature that needs her fill and a creature that will travel at any cost to fill that void.

i sat in my chair with my legs crossed. what you saw was a calm composure with a sadistic twist. but what you didn’t know is i had my teeth clenched trying to mask the curl in my lip as my finger tip and thumb were rubbing together an imaginary grain of sand, a pebble….anything. my mind was screaming and my heart was racing. i had to stay in control and i was trying this so called “patience” that another sadist had suggested. patience for what? i was never a patient person and definitely not a patient sadist.

so i waited as i glared down at you, hands behind your straight back, cock erect, sitting on your legs with your thighs spread. i searched in your questioning eyes and just waited. i wanted you to flinch, i wanted you to speak, i wanted you wonder off into la la land to give me that excuse to execute and unravel on you. no, you sat there searching in my blank stare for an answer to your “when?”.

in my mind i started to think of all the glorious and painful things i could do to you just from sitting in my chair. i wanted to act them out on you so badly that the rolling of my imaginary sand was growing faster.

goddamn who is this patience for? it certainly is not for me. i did not find much joy from this as i had to sit here and try to be in control of my thoughts and actions. he didn’t know what was going on in my mind. i know he is wondering what the fuck is going on and because of our past that is why his cock remains hard.

then i start to see his muscles twitch. i start to see the joints ever so slightly shift. then i start to smile a little. this, now this is what i was waiting for my pet…to fuck up.