i had come down with a cold. i thought it was a sore throat due to an over excited session of a scarf around the neck with E monday night. however, it was a sickness stewing within my temple. E had me on monday night after a photo session and it was thursday. he was ravenous. all day he kept touching, looking and licking at my body.

while getting ready for a concert, if i even walked by him in panties he would stop me and demand to look at my ass. when i was dressed he would then come up behind me and grab at my waist. he kept mumbling how i needed to give him something tonight, that he has waited too long. in the car he is grabbing at my thighs, in the car wash he is groping at my breasts and at the concert he has me tightly next to him.

we get home and i am doing my nightly routine and before i know it he is on the bed undressed and playing with his hard on. i stare at him somewhat surprised. i did not think he would want me coming out of a sick state. he told me to come over to him and put my mouth down on his cock. i obliged without hesitation. i laid next to him and coyly licked at his hard cock. he would shift to put it all the way in my mouth and i would take it in and then go back to lightly licking at the tip. he would then shift upward again and i started to suck him. long and slow…

he gets between my legs, kisses me and sucks on my breasts. i can feel his cock pressed up against my cunt. i wanted him inside me. i started to push down my panties letting his cock just force itself inside of my cunt. he doesn’t help and i start to become frantic in getting my panties down. he finally helps me and shoves himself inside of me. i wrap my legs around him as he fucks my cunt. he covers my nose and mouth and lets me revel in the airless fuck. i shiver when he lets his hand free.

not much longer he turns me over and fucks me from behind.

E keeps fucking me and i start to become concerned he is going to cum inside of me. i was unprotected and this was not a safe time for him cumming inside of me bare. i almost want to tell him to come on my ass. he keeps fucking and i keep coming. he finally pulls out of me exhausted. he is rather bothered he could not cum inside of me and he wanted it badly. i ease his mind and help him masturbate to a finish. one of these days i am going to get him to cum inside of my mouth. it has been years since he has allowed that.

this morning as i was getting ready for work, i glanced over at E’s nightstand and i see a printed picture of me from monday night propped upwards. i smiled thinking E put it there so he had something to wake up to.

he is a drug, a peddler and my addiction

i am a junkie, a user and i need another hit

he feeds me and puts my mind in a state of euphoria

he knows what i want, need and desire

give it to me

don’t make me beg for it…

i will beg…it is what a junkie would do

whisper in my ear

make my eyes flutter and my skin shiver

tell me over and over again

how much you want to fuck me

make me breathe heavy

make me gasp

make me want you physically between my legs

make me wet

take from me

you paid upfront and i am paying now

don’t let me suffer for long

give me a taste

let me lick

i shake from withdrawals

my mind desperate

my soul hurting

i anxiously need you.

i am empowered to hurt, to burn and to love

i choose my desires

i hunger for the dark side

the taboo

the naughty

the tainted

this is right for me…for us

my thoughts grow deeper into evil

i will not hide in shame

so stand beside me and walk down this path

no regrets

there are no limits, no boundaries, no lines here

this is my playground

this is my world

i own this

i control this

i need this

let me persuade you to believe that you want to give me what i need

will you walk into the darkness with me?

do not look back

do not hesitate

from this point on you either watch me or you join me

which do you choose?

it was late, E was on the computer, i stripped down to just panties and laid in bed. within minutes he came waltzing into the bedroom and grabs my neck, pushes my head up and kisses me. i moan at his assertiveness and control. i cling to him in arousal and i want him. he whispers to me a question….”do you want to fuck?” i answer without hesitation…”yes”

he had expectations of me tonight, this fuck was for him…not me. he forced me roughly into positions that he saw to his liking. he grabbed my waist and moved me to his wants. it felt like training to be his perfect sub.

it has been quite some time since i had been on top of his cock. he told me to fuck him. in under a minute for the first time i asked him if i could come. he said i could and with that i came with intensity that had me crying. i stayed on and again in under a minute i asked E again if i could come and he said yes. i came again with a flood of emotions but without tears. he let me slide off of him. i laid beside him panting. usually it is over when i come like that.

not tonight…

he told me he wanted to come inside me and i starred him in the face. i could see his desire and i smiled. he wanted me to put on a fresh pair of panties and he instructed me before i did so to suck his cock. without a moment to waste before he could change his mind my mouth went down on his cock. i took him all the way in. up and down repeatedly. i could hear him gasp as i forced my mouth on his hardness. every so often i would come up to the tip and lick, giving his head attention and he would take in a breath when i did this. he pulled my head from his cock and i got up to put on a pair of panties.

E repositioned himself to lay at the edge of the bed and i stood with my back to him. he wanted a show, a tease and i gave him that. i swayed my ass from side to side slowly with my hands lifting my panties from my ass. his breath grew heavy and i knew he was stroking his cock.

“show me your ass”, he said calmly.

my hands slowly pushed my panties down as my ass swayed hypnotically from side to side. i started to bend forward slightly as the fabric traced the curve of my ass. down and down ever so slowly and e let out another breath. i heard him stir behind me as my panties escaped my ass and hit the top of my thighs.

without warning e pushed himself inside my sore and not so ready cunt. i gasped in pain and surprise. he grabbed my hips and forced himself in and out.

“get on the bed”, he barked.

i positioned myself…on my hands and knees and he thrusted inside me without delay. he gripped my waist and adjusted my body for his pleasure. he moved me forward and back on his cock. my cunt was so sore and the pain of this fuck calmed my mind. i felt used, i felt like a toy and i felt submissive. E was my alpha male, my dom and he was taking me the way he wanted.

i came over and over as e fucked me. he would command me to tighten my cunt to grip his invasive cock. i did as i was told because i wanted to please him. i could tell this new attitude towards me aroused him in such a way. just one more step towards being even more submissive to my dom.

his new nickname for me is “whore” and when he told me this i came.

i am surly

i am bitter

i am angry

i am unsatisfied

i am starving

i am dark

shall i go on or do you get the picture?

i want to destroy everything beautiful. i want to feel pain to numb this moment of desperation and addiction. i want to hurt. yet, i want to hurt those all around me. so i dare you to smile in my direction and i will give you a look that will make you melt in your fucking shoes.

i have this curl in my lip and bitterness searing in my veins. my eyes are piercing and hurtful. my words sharp and uncaring.

i want to reap havoc on the world and spread this wrath of anger and withdrawal. i want to burn, i want to scar and i don’t want you to forget who i am. i want you to remember for an eternity who did this to you…IT WAS ME.

just because i understand reality does not mean i have to go along with it nor like it. i am fucking selfish and i will get what i want..when i want it. if you withhold from me…i will hurt you ten fold.

as i suffer, my mind calculates a heated burn to send your way. you will pay and it won’t be a pretty payment either. as i escalate to get your attention and when i do get it…i will have that evil grin upon my face with no remorse for your feelings or thoughts.

you will suffer

you will be surly

you will be bitter

you will be angry

you will be unsatisfied

you will starve

and most of all…you will be dark because i will drag you down with me kicking and screaming. you will come to my private hell with me and you will feel this…you will…i promise.

i will rip you apart and i will leave you to gather the pieces of yourself. as i sit here detached and broken.

i have no compassion

i have no guilt

i have no remorse

i won’t ask for forgiveness

there is no love in me now…just rage.

my mind is screaming, yet i sit here quiet and i am thinking.

it won’t stop till there is retribution.

till my rage is subdued.

everyone will pay for this…including you.